| "In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one."|
--Ephesians 6v16--
Right now, I should be studying real estate law.
But, when the urge to write storms through me, I. Must. Write.
These past seven months have been an excruciating challenge. I feel like I say that in every one of my posts.
It's funny, hilarious even, when people tell me, "oh it'll get easier." I appreciate their kind intentions behind their gesture, but that statement is false. My life without my mom will never ever, ever, ever get easier. Not matter what anyone says.
In the beginning of this pain stricken journey, I was shattered into a million un-mend-able pieces. I was found by this Man who lovingly, and tenderly and patiently pieced me back together. He had reconstructed me into a form stronger than what I was before.
Of course, we know the enemy loves destroying things, wreaking havoc, and breaking things. Well, to say the least, he saw the wonderful things Christ made out of my brokenness and just struck me down again.
This cycle continued.
It continued up to my "final straw" moment.
The enemy attacked me more harshly than every before. I was sucked into a mind-set of hopelessness. I literally felt like I was without God. I was filled with terror, depression, sorrow, fear... but the strongest was hopelessness.
When illness and tragedy befall a person without God and hope of His sovereignty all they have left to face is pain, and a nice green lot at the cemetery.
Life... just ends.
Joy ends.
Love ends.
Laughing ends.
Feeling ends.
Family ends.
Hope ends.
Hope. Less.
That's scary. That WAS scary. All those emotions, I have felt.
Thank God for the mighty army of prayer warrior friends I have in my life. Thank God that he really hears His children's cries and pleads for help. The most supernatural feeling I have ever felt came over me--like I was being washed anew & being filled with a warm light.
I began thanking God. I began praising God.
I was thanking God for all He had done for me. I was praising God for all the blessings and promises He is and will be fulfilling in my life.
Best part is, this all scared the enemy.
Praise and thanks literally SCARE the enemy away.
He hates that God has given me this powerful testimony of His undoubtable power.
He hates my faith in Christ.
And I want everyone to know that.
The enemy's attack only made me stronger.
My AK-47 is me giving thanks to God--my shield of faith. Seriously, try it! What do you have to lose?
Now, I am entering another trial.
This year, the holidays are looming before me and not prancing with joy before me. I'm dreading this Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years. I'm honestly convinced it will suck terribly this year. I can't even enjoy "Jingle Bells." I love Jingle bells. I love Christmas. I love everything about the holidays. Just the one thing I love the most isn't here at the moment.
More to come as the holidays draw near. I'll defeat that turd of a devil.
I part with this:
"Give thanks to The Lord for he IS GOOD..."
truly He is. I can testify to that.
