One|Year

Yesterday, 25 March, marks one calendar year since she got to where she was going.

I had been long dreading this one year mark. It wasn't so bad. I wasn't sad, rather, I was happy. I'm happy she isn't suffering the pain of flesh. I know for a fact she is rejoicing in her glorified, young, healthy body. 

To this day, I still can't make myself go to the cemetery. Last May I was forced to go for Mother's day & that was the last time I went.

I don't want to visit her remains. That stuff in the ground is of this world. Those remains caused her & my family so much pain. Those remains aren't her. 

Her soul... is her. 

Though I cannot feel the vibration of life around me I can feel her spirit & all the memories I have of her make her come to life inside of me. 

The day after, I started reading a book called "Life After Life." It's a book by Dr. Moody who studied over 150 cases of clinical deaths in the 1970s. The people he interviewed had physically died at one point & came back to life.

For some of the subjects, the interview was their first time speaking & acknowledging to another person their death experience.

There was one common denominator in passing that stuck out to me: hearing music.

I can just imagine the huge celebration that went on when all the Heavenlies welcomed my mom into everlasting. I can only imagine the beautiful music she heard the moment her soul pulled out of her flesh & into destination: eternity. 

I think of that moment as "when heaven came crashing into earth." 

This song below reminds me of the morning my mama passed. A picture of heaven is painted when I listen to the beginning orchestra part.

That early morning heaven, for a moment, touched earth.

 

I remember that Monday morning. I will never forget it. It was literally the most beautiful day outside that I have ever experienced. It was warm; the sun rays hugged my cold, confused body. I remember sitting on the steps in my back yard reading the plethora of loving & encouraging text messages from friends. 

There was no wind that day but the wind chimes composed the most beautiful song. With no wind. At that time, I had a feeling... my mom.  

God, I miss her.

I miss the beauty of her spirit. I see a similar beauty in the sunsets & sunrises, Springtime & hauntingly beautiful rainy days.

Her anniversary of passing holds beauty to me. The barrier between heaven & earth was thin--tangible. 

Someone I love is in heaven, so heaven is THAT much closer to me.

 

 

A Miracle on the Last Day

What a way to end a fast--and what a fast it has been.

I have been so tremendously tried during Daniel Fast '14 more than I have ever been previous years.

I had my ups and downs with God and me not reading the Bible and TRULY fasting.

I keep a journal for when I 'm fasting. I love going back and reading the mastery of God.

Boy, I can't wait to go back and read His amazing doings from this year.

 And the story beings...

... exactly a week ago tomorrow, Tuesday, will mark one week since I had an SVT (supraventricular tachycardia) episode. I went into the ER that night and treated me with adenosine (which slows the heart way down, almost to a pause and restarts it.)

My blood work, EKG, CAT scan, chest x-rays were normal and healthy.

The doctor said I had an episode of SVT.

SVT is basically when the heart sort of short circuits in away--it emits an extra electrical impulse and send the heart beating 160-200 bpm (even higher in some cases.)

I was at 160bpm for about an hour and half til they got to treating me.

If you know me, I was asking the doctor up a storm of questions.

"Why did this happen?" "Is this life threatening?" "Will it go away?"

Well, first off, it's not life threatening. Apparently, it's a fairly common benign heart condition that is merely an annoyance. 

Pft, annoyance. More like HINDRANCE. God had healed me in the months before from anxiety and mild PTSD--which were onset my mama's passing. 

Then this comes. A heart condition in which its occurrence cannot be predicted nor can it be cured (in the doctor's point of view.) This sent me back to square one.

A familiar foe, anxiety.

I was scared to go out in fear I might have another episode. Anxiety was choking the life out of me.

It robbed me of my joy. It parched my thirst for life and experiencing wonderful things. I felt cold and hopeless. 

This all took place during the last week of the Daniel fast.

Prior to this event, I was doing fantastic. I was waking up in the morning and doing 45 minute cardio workout, I was eating very healthfully etc. I suppose one can say, I was up on "the mountain."

It was a delightful feeling being able to feel again, to feel alive and healthy.

All of that was quickly snatched from me.

I knew that God was doing miraculous work in me (He still is!) and the enemy, of course, wants to destroy that immediately. 

Sadly for me, I realized that I hadn't been giving God the praises He truly deserves. I wasn't testifying to the world and people around me the amazing miracles He has been doing in my life. 

I mean, when people asked me how I was, a testimony wasn't the first thought that came to me.

God does miracles in our lives for a reason. The reason is anything but selfish. It's not for us to keep a secret. A miracle done in our life is meant to be shouted from the roof tops as loud and as frequent as we can!

I appreciate and love hearing the same testimonies in church every few months. Some have been said about 50 times over the passed 10 years. 

I say to them, "KEEP THEM COMING!"

That's why God healed you. That's why God's mended a broken relationship-- to TELL. To change the lives around you through the testifying of God's undeniable mastery. Keep on testifying, even if it's your hundredth time!

Amidst my debilitating anxiety and incurable and unpredictable condition I pleaded with God. I cried out to Him in anger and frustration. I was raw with Him. 

I texted tens of my prayer warrior friends to fight in battle with me for victory in this battle. 

I needed an army of God's people backing me up. That is what I had.

It may have been my 3rd hour praying and reading the Bible and searching testimonies on God's healing for SVT; 

I started to feel weird and a little uncomfortable. Honestly, I was a little scared. All of a sudden, I felt this warmth, this powerful, memorable, electric warmth that penetrated the top half of my body. I did feel scared for a moment but then this peace came over me as that heavy warmth was ebbing and flowing through  me. Then I realized, this is God.

I started praying and thanking God for His healing.
"It's YOU, God," I kept saying over and over.

The moment ended and I was a little confused/confident of what had just happened. 

I could feel that I felt so different than I did 10 minutes prior. 

God had healed me. I knew it because immediately after the warm encounter, the enemy was trying 

to convince me that it never happened and that I was imagining things.

Oh, it happened. God healed me and I want EVERYONE to know. I want those who have a little bit of doubt in their life to doubt no more that God will come though for you if you "sincerely call on Him."

The enemy can't take this healing away. He can't. It belongs to me and the testimony belongs to the world. It is meant to be shouted from the roof tops!

I told God that I don't testify His miracles often enough. 

He's due so much credit from my part. 

He's healed me, He's saved me from SO MANY potential and fatal car accidents, He's saved me from getting a speeding ticket and saved me from a deer running into me. On sleepless nights, I pray and God caresses me with His peace gift of slumber. I lose mundane things like my car keys or an old journal and I find them after asking Him from His assistance. I lose greater things in my life--a loved one, and He lovingly and gently applies His salve on my gaping wounds.

 

Now, I have felt His live, physical healing touch--a supernatural touch.
I believe with ALL my (healthy) heart that what I felt was God healing me from SVT.

I've had one episode but that was enough for me to say, "enough!"

I gave up on looking for "natural remedies" or "coping" with the condition. 

It really just brought on more anxiety than anything. 

I decided I DO NOT want to just cope! 

I don't want a remedy. 

I WANT and DEMAND this condition GONE forever. 

Healed! 

That's when I decided to look up "HEALINGS from SVT" instead of mere remedies. 

People, there is a cure to cancer, blindess, deafness, lame, anxiety, other disorders & SVT; it's Christ blood and YOUR faith and a never-ceasing heart of praise for Him and thanks and prayer to Him. 

I declare I will never have another scary SVT episode ever again. I have a perfectly healthy heart. 

I testify that Christ has healed me forever. I want the whole world to know.

Never stop sharing your testimonies.

A Rare Excerpt

A rare except from The Chronicles of Brit: Vol. 3| Tales for Thou, My Beloved. 

I've been keeping journals ever since I was in 5th grade. I remember my first one. It was a pink velvet Power Puff Girls themed journal with a lock and key. I received it for my birthday. Unfortunately, that journal is no more. I had a moment in middle school where I found it, read it and I thought what I had written in it was so dumb. This resulted in me throwing it into the fire place. Can you say, "awkward years?"

I now have three journals and actively searching for home No. 4 for my thoughts. Vol. 3 is a rare one. Its contents I cannot say. However, upon reading through it last night I came across an entry that I felt to share.

I wrote this a few weeks prior to my mom's passing. The things I wrote may be obvious, but writing it brought me so much comfort. Of course this life is temporary--but I needed that comforting reminder. With that said, my apologies if this post makes no sense. (Sorrynotsorry.)

|The Beginning of the End|

Each minute that passes, passes with unimaginable intensity & mystery now more than ever. Some moments in my day I find it hard to keep anchored on the shores of hope & sanity.

 Jesus wept.

So can I.

I just can't lose hope & joy.

If I do, my life automatically becomes a freight train headed toward a brick wall at full speed. Yeah, that's a disaster. And a disaster is not what I want my life to become.

I know one day the spontaneous episodes of weeping will stop. I hope sooner than later because it really does make me look like a train wreck. 

There's nothing anybody can do when faced with the beginning of the end.

No matter how tenaciously we grip onto our or someone else life; it's just wasted strength & energy.

Our lives are not ours to hold on to; they're not for our specific use.

Throughout the course of our lives society brainwashes our thought process into thinking that the life we have

is for us to have.

That way & scheme of thinking is nothing but a road map to 

the heart of sadness, 

hopelessness &

empty memories...

...population one.

How prideful is it to think this life was made for us to merely live.

Life is more intricate than we could ever imagine.

We were all so delicately planned into existence... for a sole purpose--God's purpose. 

We can't waste our time trying to figure out God's intentions. 

Just be.

Live.

Live by bringing Him glory..

Life isn't permanent.

It's like the grains of beautiful, soft sand slipping away through our fingers.

Temporary. 

This "life" here, in the moment...it's temporary.

That life, that other one that can occur at any moment, I believe that's when LIFE truly begins.

When we enter a realm of perfection, peace & rest.

I'm sitting here writing these words at my favorite coffee shop; leaving my heart open for Jesus to enter, to breath comforting words into my life.

Some may see it as a disaster when the beginning of the end arrives because we're departed from a body we once embraced & saw.

The love we developed in our hearts is everlasting & hopeful... because that's what love is.

It always hopes.

It's the beginning of a new beginning & a new normal. Kiss them farewell, it's been a beautiful journey.

I'll see you soon enough.