{Physician} When the Healing Doesn't Come

God is Jehovah Rophi, the God who heals. He is Physician.

With one touch of his garment His power floods our being.

But what happens when the healing doesn't come? 
That's right. God remains Jehovah Rophi, the God who heals. He is physician.

All those precious hours spent in prayer for healing are not considered lost. God heard each and ever one of them. God counted each and every one of my tears. He knows me; and He not only knows, but He cares.

On a faithful February night, the Women's Night in Prayer at Solid Rock (PDX) took place. This is probably the third highlight of my year next to July 4th and being a counselor at Sunday School camp. 

I knew this was going to be a night in prayer to remember. I was so excited to see what Name of God card I would receive. There are about 30 cards with a name of God (eg. Physician, Jealous God, the God who sees me etc.) The women of solid rock take the time to actually pray over these cards that they are received by the right hearts.

Whoever prayed over mine, God heard them loud and clear. 

I got |Physician.|

How timely.

I had a feeling deep down inside of me I'd get this one.

My mama was slowly fading away from this physical world. I'm sure by that time, she's gotten some sort of a taste of God's dwelling. I still had hope. I wasn't letting her go without a good prayer battle. Boy, it was more like a war.

My heart and hopes were over the moon when I got this card! It motivated me to intercede even harder in prayer. 

I was NOT giving up.

I even showed it to my mom and told her she ain't goin' nowhere!

The healing that {I} thought was promised to me through the card... it never came.

God wasn't the Physician in the fashion I wanted Him to be. He didn't fix what I wanted Him to fix.

Nonetheless, He truly is Physician. He is currently fixing.

Little did I know, God wasn't going to be a Physician to my mama but a Physician to my family and I. To heal the open wound left when she was torn out of our lives.

So far, God has healed me of the "why's", "it's not fair's," and "that's not what I asked of You's." Right now, He's working on a bigger wound. A wound I left untreated and denied.

The sadness. The depression. The anxiety. The vacancy left in my heart and life.

I've heard people tell me and admire me for my strength... if they only knew.

But, that's all a part of strength. Admitting to weakness, knowing you can't get through this all on your own with no support. I can't deny the pain left with my mama's departure. It hurts. But I am surviving. 


I can't say that healing didn't come. It did. In a different manifestation.

Healing came with wisdom and learning a heck of a lot of things about life.

I still believe. God never changes. He will always be Physician to me.

|He is healing.|